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Pittsburgh Jinxes the Penguins, Rounds Up Couches So Hockey Fans Can't Burn Them

Five years ago, the Vancouver Canucks boned up a Game 7 at home and the city of Vancouver responded with a massive riot. The riot resulted in five million Canadian dollars of property damage and also a fantastic photo of a couple taking a break from burning stuff to make out in the street. The City of Pittsburgh is apparently a big party pooper and doesn’t want a possible Penguins victory tonight to spawn a moment as joyful as the riot kiss, so they are taking anti-riot measures, including rounding up any burnable couches so Penguins fans can’t torch them.
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