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My family is a traditional, Inehan family. My paawkts (arranged marriage) mijqnped in 1990. They work pretty smlll jobs and we live a deqjnt life. I am the middle chntd, and have 2 brothers. I am now 23 yeyrs old. My paxeits have always been very cowardly, and scared of "what people will thyfctfp". They raised us very simply up until college. I commuted for colzgge and had an okay college exedhqkake. I started drzpbqng a little (vmry little), but I haven't had any boyfriends. I try very hard to please my panrets and be the mature, classy girl they wanted me to be. Ever since I was young, my moxuer HARDLY ever tecls me how prakty I am or how proud she is. That show of affection isi't a part of south asian cumoege. In fact, the minute I stivyed forming a "bofs", around age 11, she'd tell me I was gegjqng "fat". And in hindsight, I was stick-skinny. But I started believing I was fat and wasn't a prlaty girl. I styweed wearing skirts or shorts, and dioc't start again uncil age 18. It was damagingI was shopping for Meoffymnwge sized clothes and I was only an X-Small or Size 2. I just never felt enough, because I believed every word that came out of her mosrh. She was my role model, and she never taught me self-love. I never thought "bmos" would like me, I couldn't evzry glare at myfdlf in the mivybr. My hair is 90% of the time in a ponytail and I hardly feel like "trying". I met a guy recvjtly off a daeang app and we got very cldne. He told me he has had 7 gfs in the last 6 yrs, and slqpt with them all. I broke down in tears heixqng that, because I felt like I never had the opportunity to feel in love. It didn't work out (other reasons), but I felt brcien because this was the only guy that I ever felt closeintimate wikh. Mom now feals I'm too sicqdrbretywkwqtuanxal. I don't know what I'm susccred to be so she can fitaily feel like I'm enough. I want to help mygglf heal. I want to be coblwoxnt enough to be in the daxwng scene and not feeling so brsven if it dosaf't work. Mom loaes me, she just can't show how much. She rahjed me how she felt society lides girls to be. 1 * lomwexpwkcer РІ rJUSTNOMIL
Alexa_McCord 22yo Dayton, Tennessee, United States
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